The Fellowship of the Mat

Soul Purpose day 3

This is going to be another lengthy post. I had to read a chapter from "Everybody's Normal Till You Get To Know Them" by John Ortberg. What he has to say is so good! It is eye opening to me, and really helps me to reflect on where I am. I hope to not "waste" any one's time, but to encourage you as it has me. The following are all excerpts from the chapter.

Without friendships no one would choose to live, even if they had all other good things in life. Aristotle

...stories in the Bible... a paralytic man in the ancient world. There is no way to contribute to society. You are dependent on people dropping cons beside you to live another day. What's he got going for him? He has friends. He has amazing friends. In one sense, this whole story takes place because of his friends. Without his friends he never makes it to Jesus, never gets healed, never get forgiven.

This is a fast-paced world, and it is not a very gracious place for those who can't run as fast as others.

In the face of formidable obstacles- social stigma, inconvenience, financial pressure, a high cost of time and energy- they choose to become friends. (of the paralytic) People rarely drift into deep community. Psychologist Alan McGinnis notes that rule number one for entering into deep friendships sounds deceptively simple: Assign top priority to your relationships. Ironically, we tend to devote massive amounts of time to making money, running errands, and succeeding at our jobs, but we neglect giving our most valuable possession- time- to the experience for which we were created: community.

One of the most counter-cultural statements in Scripture is a description of the early church. In speaking of the people;s oneness of hear and mind, the writer notes, "They met together daily." They worshiped together, ate together, talked together, prayed together- on a daily basis. No wonder they grew so close.

Maybe the biggest single barrier to deep connectedness for most of us is simply the pace of our lives.

The requirement for true intimacy is chunks of unhurried time. If you think you can fit deep community into the cracks of an overloaded schedule- think again. Wise people do not try to microwave friendship, parenting, or marriage. You can't do community in a hurry: You can't listen in a hurry. You can't mourn in a hurry with those who mourn, or rejoice in a hurry with those who rejoice. Many people lack great friends for the simple reason that they have never made pursuing community a high priority. You can't carry somebody's mat in a hurry. And everyone comes with a mat.

It is a very vulnerable thing to have someone carry your mat. When somebody's carrying your mat, they see you in your weakness. There is this gift between these friends: trusting vulnerability and dependable faithfulness.

...this became an opportunity for servanthood and acceptance. Wherever human beings love and accept and serve each other in the face of weakness and need, there is the Fellowship of the Mat.

Everybody has a mat. Let the mat stand as a picture of human brokenness and imperfection. It is what is "not normal" about me. It is the little "as-is" tag that I most desire to hide. But it is only when we allow others to see our mat, when we give and receive help with each other, that healing becomes possible.

Sometimes people spend their whole lives doing "mat management." They pretend they don't have a mat. Their primary goal is to hide their brokenness from others' eyes. You may convince everybody of your strength and competence. But you will not live in community.

Who carries your mat for you sometimes? Who do you show your weakness and struggles to? Who do you ask to pray for you? Who do you let see your brokenness?

Humility and trust are more at the foundation of community than perfection. If you want a deep friendship, you can't always be the strong one. You will sometimes have to let somebody else carry your mat.

There is a world of difference between being friendly to someone because they're useful to you and being someone's friend.

This leads us to what might be called the irony of the mat. Our mats are usually what we are least proud of and most likely to hide. We are often convinced that if other people knew about our mats, they would stay away from us. But in reality it is precisely our mats that form the connecting points for a deeper relationship.

The book goes on to tell a story about a pastor caught in sexual addiction. He joined a group for help, but never shared his story. Until one day.... when a friend found him where he shouldn't have been the night before. The book then says, "Joe could barely choke out the words. As he told his story, he stared at the floor; he could not bring himself to look anyone in the face. "Look up at the group, " Henry told him. "I can't. I'm too ashamed." "Look up at the group. I want you to look into the eyes of the people listening to you . You must do this." Fearfully, this broken man raised his mead. He looked around the circle, and every pair of eyes looking back at him was filled with tears. There was no imputing shame, no condemnation, just compassion. In that moment, a man who had taught on grace for so long finally tasted it, and it broke him. He wept like a child. He began to hear the words that were spoken to another cripples soul so long ago: "Child, your sins are forgiven."